


Pick Ups at the DPD

by FreeSamPles



Series: DPD [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human
Genre: Connor literally doesn’t understand anything smh, Fluff, Gen, Innocence, btw Connor tries to kiss someone, but he doesn't really get it so I'm not gonna count it as a ship, this is some sweet sweet fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeSamPles/pseuds/FreeSamPles
Summary: The whole precinct hits on Connor.Connor doesn’t get it.
Relationships: Chris Miller & Connor, Gavin Reed & Connor, Hank Anderson & Connor, Tina Chen & Connor
Series: DPD [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557574
Comments: 6
Kudos: 168





	Pick Ups at the DPD

In the DPD, there was a sort of fascination with the newly deviated detective android. People were very interested in whatever Connor was doing, and he didn’t know why. He thinks it’s because he missed certain social cues often, but he couldn’t be sure. Whatever it was, Connor was always met with bouts of laughter or anger.

In the DPD, they also had a weird fascination with bets. Before Connor came around, they bet on simple things, like what time would Hank come in today, or, what stupid shit is Gavin about to do this time? Recently, their attention had shifted to Connor. Their newest bet was if Connor knew when someone was picking on him and if he would act on it. Whatever the answer was, it caused an uproar in the precinct.

“Guys, he’s dense but he’s not that dense.”

“Tina, you’ve never seen the social skills on the prick, alright. It’s like throwing a plastic fork at a brick wall. It means nothing.”

Gavin paused slightly.

“...wouldn’t mind trying though.”

“Pft! As if, Gavin. With your people skills? If anyone’s gonna get a fucking reaction out of him, it’s me. I’m a master at this shit.”

“Wanna bet on that, Chen?”

“Alright, alright, shut the fuck up. Whoever gets a reaction from Connor, gets the money in the betting pool.” Hank said, effectively getting everyone to shut up. He wasn’t going to be participating in the bet, but he definitely was curious, and he needed an incentive. The current money in the betting pool was two hundred and fifty-seven dollars. 

As if on cue, their target of interest entered the break room, reaching to grab his mug (a pattern of dogs) from the cabinet. He poured hot coffee laced with thirium into the cup, stirred in six packets of sugar, and took a sip of it, before turning around and noticing the abundance of people staring at him.

“Can I help any of you?” The android asked innocently, his head tilting like a puppy being asked to do an unrecognized trick.

Tina walked up to Connor, a smug smile on her face.

“Yeah, I think you stole something of mine.” She said, her arms crossed. Connor frowned.

“I don’t believe I have. May I ask what has been stolen?”

The officer leaned into Connor’s ear, closing the three-inch gap between them, his LED turning yellow.

“My heart.” She whispered softly, eliciting a few small “no’s” and head shakes from her other coworkers. Unfortunately, Connor continued to frown.

“Are you feeling well, Officer Chen? I don’t believe humans can survive very long, or at all when their hearts have been removed. It’s impossible to have them stolen.” 

The people behind her laughed, and the officer gave an exasperated sigh, muttering a small and quiet “damn it” before turning around and punching Gavin in the shoulder. 

“Sick skills from the master-“

“Shut your mouth, Gavin.”

This was the first failed attempt out of many.

Connor really didn’t understand what was going on. So many officers were coming up to him with these weird phrases that didn’t make any sense. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” First, androids didn’t go to heaven, and second, why would it feel good to fall from somewhere thousands of feet from the sky? No shit it would hurt to fall from such a high place. When he responded to them, he was always met with annoyed or sad looks. Was he supposed to be showing some sort of reaction to them? He decided to test out his theory on the next person who came up to him, which was Chris.

“Hey, Connor?” Connor spun around in his office chair.

“Yes, Chris?” The officer held his face in his hands, exhaling before lifting his head up.

“On a scale from one to ten, you’re a nine…” He paused dramatically. Connor’s head did its signature tilt.

“And I’m the one you need.” His theory was not tested, and Connor felt the need to comfort the cop.

“Chris, don’t be so harsh on yourself. You’re a seven at the very least.” Chris flung his arms up, an annoyed sigh escaping his lips.

“I’m flattered, but man, you’re making it so hard for me not to punch you right now.”

* * *

Once the revolution ended, Connor would meet with the Jericho leaders for a meeting every week for official business. Once android rights were given to the androids, they still had their meetings, but just for casual hangouts and catching up.

“Guys, I am so confused.” Connor said, his blue raspberry tea untouched in front of him, and his posture akin to a disappointed child sitting in timeout. The leaders looked up at him, concern littering their faces. North lifted her lemon tea to her mouth.

“What’s the problem, Connor?” She asked, wiping her lips with the napkin that was laid on her plate. Connor sighed.

“The whole precinct keeps saying these… obscure things to me.” Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Like what?” 

Connor took a small breath, and decided to repeat an example that Detective Reed had told him when he was leaving the break room, his sultry tone matching his.

“You know, Connor, you’re like my homework. I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night long.” Connor changed back the tone of his voice. “He doesn’t even go to school! And I know for a FACT he doesn’t do his work! What are his intentions?!” A collective bout of laughter came from the four leaders, with Markus spitting out his coffee, North choking on her tea, and Simon banging his fist on the table repeatedly. Connor crossed his arms angrily, a pout finding its way onto his face.

“I don’t understand what’s so funny! Why is everyone laughing!?” This only earned another round of laughter, Josh even managing to accidentally knock over Connor’s drink. Once the laughter had slowly died down, Markus came up with an answer.

“Connor, they’re hitting on you.” Connor’s face served an incredulous look.

“No, no, I don’t think so. They haven’t done anything physical.” North stifled a laugh, and after earning a stern look from Simon, she cleared her throat.

“Connor, honey,” North said, “what he means is that they’re trying to get your attention by flirting with you.” Connor’s LED turned yellow, a light dusting of blue appearing on his face. He awkwardly scratched at his head with his finger. The crew stopped, waiting for his reaction.

“I-I don’t know how to respond to them though.” He said, his eyes staring at his spilled tea. Simon smiled.

“Oh Connor, your innocence is to be rid of today. Give me your arm for a sec.” Connor stretched his arm out at Simon’s request. The blonde-haired deviant took hold of it, sending information to the brunette that caused him to blink furiously. Once the information was sent, Connor’s eyes widened, his arm jerking back from the touch.

“Wh-what the hell was that?” He said, desperately attempting to undo the images that were now searing in his mind. Some weird… questionable things popped up in his search, and Connor couldn’t believe Simon would send him that. Connor gave the deviant a look of betrayal.

“Simon, how could you do this to me?” Simon shook his head.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get everything they say to you now. The problem is, you’ll need to know how to respond to them. I’m sure North can help you with that.” North beckoned for Connor, who hesitantly made his way over to the female android. Connor went through the same process, but instead of a look of fear, he went through a look of confusion.

“Humans can be so absurd sometimes…” He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. North laughed, her shoulders shaking.

“I know, bud. I’m not entirely sure, but this should get them to finally stop bothering you.”

Connor wasn’t ready for the responses he was about to get.

* * *

“Hey, Connor.” Connor turned away from his terminal, face grimaced when he saw Detective Reed was the one who had called for him.

“Yeah, Gavin?” He said, his face portraying a blank expression. This was going to be the third time that the detective had tried to tell him a stupid pick up line, the most tied with Tina. However, this time, the android was prepared for the pick up line the detective was about to unload on him.

“I’ve been wondering if your lips taste as good as they look.” A smirk was shown throughout half of the precinct, and Connor’s LED cycled through yellow to red for a few seconds. Gavin let out a slightly frustrated sigh, and began to walk away.

“Of course the damn android couldn’t even get that one. Fucking motherfucker…” He said quietly under his breath, certain that the android detective had no idea what he was talking about. However, Connor’s LED cycled back to its peaceful blue, and he stood up suddenly from his swivel chair.

The precinct mumbled as Connor made his way up to the shocked detective. He leaned into Gavin’s ear, similarly to what Tina had done to him earlier that week. Gavin took a step back, while Connor took a step forward. In Connor’s peripheral, he could see most of the precinct was watching, including the captain and Hank.

“You know if you’re willing to give them a try, you would surely enjoy it.” His tone of voice was calm and flirty, mimicking what North and Markus would do whenever they thought no one was listening. Gavin let out a squeak of confusion, which Connor was never gonna let him live that down. Everything was going as he intended.

Until he did the final step.

Connor began to close in on the detective, who’s face was now close to fire hydrant more than anything. He remembered what the Jericho crew had told him to do.

“At the very end, you have to kiss them!” 

He didn’t think that was needed, necessarily, but it sounded fun, at the least.

He gently brought his lips toward the man, and they got closer and closer to his...

Connor was met with a smack in the face.

“What the fuck fuckity FUCK, plastic!?” A now angry Gavin, who seemed to have been frozen in fear earlier (or excitement), was now multiple steps back from the android. Connor was confused.

“I thought that would make you... happy?”

“FUCK no, not anymore! Jesus Christ!” This was met with a huge round of laughter and groans (plus a boo from Tina), and Hank slapping a huge wad of cash on the detective’s desk.

Connor was met with a talking to by Hank about how kissing was for “special” friends only (He already knew that), and a fury of middle fingers by Gavin.

He still didn’t understand.

**Author's Note:**

> Literally haven’t done this in about a year, but I got into the fandom again and I love it! My apologies if I’m a bit rusty.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed, and I love you all!


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